Any window with a long view over a flat horizon might hint at it.
Truth is that this small room has glass wrapped around three sides, and I wonder if anyone else can imagine, while sitting comfortably, sipping coffee, the effect of seeing a full-blown, hard-blown blizzard raging on all around you after it has already covered everything in sight.
In white.
If there were trees in view, we’d call it a “winter wonderland,” an expression used so often that it takes an effort not to yawn on the third syllable.
Football fans might be inclined to call the marsh as it appears right now a “frozen tundra” no matter how many times others have told them that “tundra” all by itself means “frozen land,” and so the term is… Oh, forget it!
At times I can discern the gray vertical lines that represent two telephone poles nearest me, and several thinner, horizontal lines connecting them that wave themselves into my attention, but for the most part I’m looking at a solid wall of white that dissolves into nothing but more white between here and the low hills some four miles directly east to the mainland and about eight miles to the north and south of this glorified sandbar called an island.
Yes, we hear descriptions of “White-Outs” every winter. We all recall breathless stories of “blinding storms” from motorists who have been caught in them, meteorologists who tried to warn those motorists of them, and reporters who’ve been sent out into them to tell us of the motorists who ignored the meteorologists’ warnings. Can any Bay Stater my age ever forget Shelby Scott holding a microphone before her with one hand while clinging to a flagpole with the other, seeming at times to fly horizontally while telling us how bad it is in Southie?
And we read them in our literature. From Jack London’s Alaska gold rush to Willa Cather’s Great Plains Trilogy, we hear winter at its whitest described. With all due respect to Dr. Zhivago, the most gripping descriptions of winter storms may be found in Giants in the Earth–one of America’s finest novels, but it goes unrecognized because it was written by a Norwegian immigrant in his native tongue.
Apparently, even white people can be whited-out.
Still, all those examples, from Shelby Scott to Ole Edvart Rølvaag, are from people in the storm. Here I am in the comfort and warmth of my home, and yet I’m surrounded by storm. And not any manifestation of it on land or trees or cars or on anything. Just the color white. As if there isn’t anything on which or anywhere for it to land.
Closest description I can think of has not to do with a storm, but a whale. In Moby-Dick, Ishmael describes “the whiteness of the whale” in a chapter so named. As with me in my modest room, he on the expansive Pacific is both appalled and calmed by the enveloping lack of color. Oddly, it’s in another of Melville’s stories where views from windows are walled off by buildings next door. Like a pun that wrote itself, it’s set on Wall Street, and the character who tries to look out those windows is famous for repeating a single line: “I would prefer not to.”
Maybe because I’m a film projectionist, I would prefer to see things end by turning black. Whether it’s a sudden turn-out-the-lights or a “fade to black,” it seems the natural order of things. We talk of death as darkness, but how would we know? A person dies, we may or may not read the obituary; a film ends, we read or skip the credits.
Lately I’m haunted by the memory of one exception, a film that ended with a fade to white. As stark a finish as I’ve ever seen, though that may be due to surprise, the exact opposite of expectation. Released in 1999, it was one of those films that frustrates viewers because it leaves them wondering how things turn out. Many of them then accost the projectionist on the way out, demanding answers. Do they think that we see a different film? That we cut the final scenes to keep the outcome to ourselves?
A full white screen seemed just right for an ending with no certain outcome, lighting up dozens of perplexed people wondering if the man (played by Kris Kristofferson) flying the rescue plane wanted to save or kill the main characters. It was certainly perfect for a film titled Limbo–“a condition of unknowable outcome” according to its tagline.
What I find so appalling and appealing about the whiteness of raging winter storms may be the same thing I find compelling and urgent about writing these slice-of-life vignettes and stab-with-purpose commentaries. Though I know the storms will end but never know how far my next rant-and-rave will go, both are snow-jobs.
And you could say both are done in blindness.
Just as I close, as white darkens into gray while an unseen sun reaches an obscured horizon, a northern cardinal alights on my neighbor’s bird feeder, a streak of red before my eyes.
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