Last week I went to the Fox “News” site to see how badly it distorted a story here on Plum Island. That, I guess, put me on the list for their so-called newsletter and promos including one just arrived for, as the subject line announced: “FOX News IQ Test.”
All I can think is that Fox has found some way to punish anyone who has an IQ.
Never, I thought, would I see anything more oxymoronic–with or without the “oxy”–than “Fox News IQ Challenge.” That belief exploded the very next day when, from my seat on an incumbent bike in the gym, I spotted a headline on the CNN crawl: “Trump to attend dignified transfer.”
Fox and IQ? Trump and dignified? Is this hot ice, or am I just having a Midsummer Nightmare?
That very night CNN would report that the Pentagon’s website reduced the number of fatalities–those being transferred–in his illegal war from 18 to 14. Reason? According to a Pentagon now run by an IQ-challenged Fox host, four service members died “after” Trump declared a cease-fire.
More like an unending nightmare.
When Lincoln was first elected in 1860, many young men in northern cities who supported him did not trust Southerners to allow the inauguration to happen. They converged on DC, and police, though glad to have their implied support, kept a wary eye on them. There were no incidents.
These groups–some would say “gangs”–called themselves the “Wide-Awakes,” likely a rebuke to the pro-slavery, anti-immigrant, and anti-Catholic Know-Nothings.
Well, they couldn’t call themselves the “Know-It-Alls,” now could they?
Eight-score years later, gangs converged on DC not to ensure, but to stop the transfer of power. They went and still go by various names, and they condemn those who oppose them as “woke,” a malphemism for “awake.”
They also proclaimed a “Revolution,” but if being awake or aware is now a bad thing, wouldn’t “Devolution” be the word they’re looking for?
Malphemisms are a go-to Republican trick. The longest lasting example may be “abortion on demand,” but for immediate impact, I’d pick Sarah Palin’s characterization of Obamacare’s provision regarding the terminally ill for family and doctor consultations as “Death Panels.”
The term “Obamacare” itself was intended to make the Affordable Care Act sound bad, the definition of malphemism, but Obama himself embraced it, and the Democrats ran with it.
In case you’re ever playing Trivial Pursuit and asked what Obamacare has in common with Know-Nothings…
Another example of an insult welcomed as a name by the insulted is Mitch McConnell–speaking of the terminally ill, some would say already terminated. All those years as Senate leader he gleefully let proposed legislation die on his desk. Hundreds of them, so many that Democrats started calling him “The Grim Reaper.” He loved it, he boasted of it, and now he is face to face with it.
Or does he think he’s looking into a mirror?
My friend Binghampton asks if Mitch is on eternity leave. He may be onto something. Mitch does have a history of taking advantage of death. Following that of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, he effectively nullified the Constitutional right of a president to have a nominee for the Supreme Court considered by the Senate for approval.
Now, Grim Mitch is being used to prevent the Governor of Kentucky from exercising his right to appoint a replacement for an incapacitated member of the state’s congressional delegation.
The good news is that, as a cadaver (already or soon-to-be), Mitch is now among the least harmful of Senate Republicans. Unwanted: Dead or Alive.
Americans this weekend are flocking to cinemas to see the new adaptation of The Odyssey, about a Greek war hero (Odysseus, aka Ulysses) of long ago who can’t find his way home. Wouldn’t we be better off if we paid more attention to America’s own war hero prophetically named for the ancient Greek?
In 1875, near the end of his second term as our president, Ulysses S. Grant* told an audience of Union veterans:
If we are to have another contest in the near future of our national existence, I predict that the dividing line will not be Mason and Dixon’s but between patriotism and intelligence on the one side, and superstition, ambition and ignorance on the other.
Both sides are all over America’s enormous map. With or without that map, Revolution or Devolution, Death Panels or Eternity Leaves, malphemisms or euphemisms, oxys or prophesies, awake or woke, dead or alive, will we ever start connecting the dots that would lead to our way home?
-816-
*His actual name was Hiram Ulysses Grant. His family addressed him as Ulysses from the start. To enter West Point, he needed the recommendation of his Illinois district’s US Rep who knew him only as Ulysses Grant. The application called for a middle name, and so the Rep, facing a deadline in faraway DC with neither phone nor internet, guessed and wrote in Ulysses’ mother’s family name, “Simpson,” a common practice on the western frontier. A biographer says Grant simply didn’t bother to change it, but I wonder if the young cadet was eager to have USG replace HUG as his initials.



















