E Pluribus E

Got into the car yesterday to start home and heard a reporter on WBUR talking of the musical recordings of FC. Missed the opening of the story, which I assume included the identity of FC, and so the confusion I’m about to describe could be dismissed as my own fault.

In my defense, it is the nature of radio to serve an audience, much of which is on the road, getting in and out of cars at random times. Why else do they measure ratings according to morning and afternoon “drive times”? Or brag about “driveway moments”?

Since I liked the snippets of music I was hearing, the report drew my interest, and there was something satisfying about hearing that FC is a student at Northeastern University in Boston where I once taught.

Then the reporter says that “they are from Dorchester,” and I’m wondering who “they” are. Now I’m thinking that FC is the name of a group, possibly “Eff Cee,” and the reference was to one member who, back during the Clinton Administration, might have landed in my writing class.

Or maybe all of them, as I keep hearing “they” and “them” while driving out of Bradford, through Groveland, and into Georgetown. Yet, when the reporter aired FC’s answers in a pre-recorded interview, it was always the same single, high-pitched voice.

Eventually, one of those answers included the word “non-binary,” and soon after the reporter added that FC stands for “Felicia Clarice.” So it’s all explained by what is lately called “a preferred pronoun.” FC, who is one person, prefers to be mentioned as “they” and “them.”


By now you’ve heard the reasons why plural pronouns–they, them, their— should or should not be used for individual people.

Plurals have long been commonly used when the speaker does not know the identity of a person. When we say, “they ran a red light,” it is understood that the driver of the car could be he or she. This is different. This is a request–at times a demand–to use a plural pronoun when we do know the identity of the one person of whom we speak. As a consequence, journalists are expected to do this while audiences unknown to them supposedly keep track of the plural-for-singular references.

In a free and open society, those who consider themselves neither male nor female should not have to hear themselves referred to as either.  On the other hand, news sources should be committed first and foremost to clarity, not to any preferences held by those about whom they report.

Lost in that debate is a third party: The English Language.

When someone says “my preferred pronouns,” they presume that a part of speech belongs to them. The error is not in the phrase “preferred pronoun,” but in the possession inherent in the pronoun, “my.” If pronouns “belong” to individual people, then logically so do nouns, adjectives, and other parts of speech. This is why it was been so easy for the likes of Marjorie Taylor Greene and Tucker Carlson to ridicule it.

So, too, easy-going people who support all gender rights but are always ready to share a laugh, like my editor, Helen Highwater, who says my pronouns should be “nit, wit, and twit” no matter what I prefer.

Among the sayings you may see on t-shirts and elsewhere is “Ask Me About My Pronouns.” Something crucial will be missing from any possible answer. At the risk of putting this in an uncomfortable political context, most everyone who agrees with the sentiment–or who, like me, agrees with the intent, but not the expression–is right now engaged in a contest. Round one is just two months away, round two two years from that.

Whether or not we believe in or respect non-binary genders, American elections are inescapably binary. No way around it, like it or not. One side supports gender rights, reproductive rights, voting rights, environmental protection, occupational safety, affordable education and healthcare. The other side does not. That first side bases much of its (our) argument on truth and accuracy in science, in history, in language. The second insists on myths, manipulating science, whitewashing history, distorting language.

What does it do to the first side if the second side can point at the request–now available on t-shirts–to “Respect My Pronouns,” and demand, as they will, that we “Respect Our Language”? What does it say that, in such a debate, theirs will be the most inclusive pronoun, our vs. my?

More to the point, what impression will it make on those with no connection to either side as they look for the more reasonable and comfortable choices put in the most understandable and familiar terms come this November, come 2024?

Anyone’s mere use of pronouns is unlikely to influence moderates or independent voters, but the insistent requests for their acceptance and general use cannot help advance any urgent rights or causes.

Worse than that, we will make the other side seem more reasonable, if only because they will be more clear.


Regrettably, the English Language has no more say in America 2022 than it did in Orwell’s Oceania 1984. Ironically, non-binary people are forcing a binary debate: Those for them vs. those against them.

Neither side would ever accept the existing singular, neutral pronoun, it.  Nor should they, for a reason too obvious to state. Rather than argue either side of the case, here’s a proposal to satisfy both, along with the logic by which I arrived at it:

What do the words she and he have in common?  The letters HE.  So far, no good because this leaves us with one of the two pronouns we want to avoid.  So what is there in he that is part of both she and he without indicating either?

Answer: E.  Why not?  We already have a single-letter pronoun.  And like I, a long E, pronounced EE, for as long as you want it.   

Some wise-ass, like the guy in the supermarket last week wearing the shirt that says “I don’t care about your pronouns,” might demand, ” What about H?”

Either he missed the first-grade instruction that every word has to have a vowel, or he actually thinks that while writing about how we must protect one rule–the plural pronoun–I’m going to endorse breaking another.

Be that as it may, the better reason to use E is sound.  Moreover, like the word you, it will sound fluid in all three cases:

E was in the supermarket.
I ran into e at the supermarket.
I ran into es car in the supermarket parking lot.

Well, that’s what bumpers are for, but there might be another bump in that last example.  Vocally, the S sounds fine following the long E.  In print, the tendency might be to put an apostrophe between the two.

But pronouns are purposefully free of apostrophes, and for clarity’s sake we should keep them that way.  Just as plurals should be kept plural.

I’ll be interested to hear from those whose everyday language might be altered by what I propose.  Unlike that guy in the supermarket, I do care about pronouns.

Not my pronouns, not his pronouns, not your pronouns, not anyone’s pronouns, not even es pronouns, but pronouns that, like every noun, every verb, every adjective, every preposition, every article, belong to the English Language, each and every one.

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Here’s a proposal made over a year ago. Certainly preferable to the use of plurals, but the sound is unnatural, like an affected foreign accent.
Hard to imagine a grown man wearing such a thing, but I saw one last week.

I Are Not Stupid

First hit me when I started sending inquiries to the English departments of local colleges looking to teach writing classes as I did in the Eighties and Nineties.

Even then, I was too surprised and encouraged by responses telling me just when to get in touch for likely openings next year to notice what was really new.

To be fair to myself, it was barely noticeable at the bottom of emails sent back to me, likely added automatically along with the rest of the identifying info–title, department, room and building numbers, school, address, phone, fax–below the sign off.

Only notice I took was to laugh it off and mention it to a few friends. The laughter was prompted by first names being so clearly male or female. English teachers are notoriously on guard against redundancy.

Does someone named David have to tell us to use “he/him” as pronouns for him? Did I need to put “for him” at the end of that question? Does Roberta need to add “she/her”? To take it a step further, isn’t that what the “a” in Roberta is for?

One friend who spent about four decades in higher ed, lasting far longer than I did, let me know that this trend began a few years back, and that it is now considered “academic courtesy” to state the pronouns by which we prefer to be called.

Since when are pronouns matters of preference? Do we also get to chose the adjectives that describe us? How about the nouns that state what we do, the verbs and adverbs that reveal how we do it? Let me see:

World-acclaimed flautist Jack Garvey, better known nationally as “The American Chaucer” for his hilariously incisive literary vignettes, will headline King Richard’s Faire this weekend with his energetically mesmerizing renditions of J.S. Bach, the Mothers of Invention, and the Monkees…

Back in August, I barely mentioned this in a blog headlined, “Call Me Rip,” poking fun at myself for waking up to so much that is new in higher ed since I left twenty years ago. Of course, I knew that a “pronoun controversy” over gender identification existed, and I’m gladly willing to address someone named Alia as “he” if that’s what Alia wants–or Arthur as “she” if that’s what Arthur wants.

But the controversy thickens, and I now draw a line. Consider this opening paragraph from a story in Boston Magazine this week:

On the first day of school at Old Rochester Regional High School in Mattapoisett, Alia Cusolito donned cool, 3-inch, dangling sword earrings. The sophomore also pinned a circular black button with “they/them” in silver letters onto their shirt and a pink “they/them” pin to their backpack. The buttons were a plea for respect and for acknowledgement from teachers and peers of Alia’s identity and preferred pronouns. The teen identifies as nonbinary.

Link below

If this appeared in a paper handed in by a student, I’d praise the smooth style and relevant content, including the “they/them” buttons, but my red ink would circle the use of their in front of shirt and backpack. As an English teacher, I’ll agree that Alia can identify as anything Alia wants, but with all due respect and acknowledgement, Alia is one person.

Moreover, with respect to the English language, “respect” does not mean accommodating anything anyone wants.

Many of my liberal friends may not want to hear this, but English does provide a neutral singular pronoun: It. If the rejection of that gender-free option is that it is de-humanizing, then the solution cannot be turning singular into plural, since that, according to the same logic, would be over-humanizing.

Again, please consider: If we use “it” to refer to one person, we will at least be using singular verbs: It is, It was, etc. But if we adopt “they,” we will launch further into the plural with matching verbs: They are, They were, etc. This will compound the confusion.

Or does anyone who wants this change expect us to force singular verbs onto plural pronouns? If so, they is sure to make us sound stupid. They is, They was, etc.

My objection is not about gender, but about numbers.


You may have noticed that I have already dodged the problem by using “Alia” three times in one sentence. Should I be teaching a nonbinary or trans student next year, that will be my recommendation. If the student complains, the student (I’m doing it again) will either find another class or get me fired.

As a practicing writer, my first obligation is always to language, much as a judge’s obligation must be to law regardless of cultural or personal preferences. And frankly, just for the sake of sound, I will never be reduced to using a plural pronoun for one person.

Yes, I know that at least one dictionary has accepted “they” as a singular pronoun, but wasn’t that for an unknown antecedent? To be a bit quicker than saying, “The diner choked on his or her turnip” if you don’t know the diner’s gender?

Dictionaries can make all the accommodations they want, for whatever reason they want, but English teachers cannot accommodate the awkwardness of “The diner choked on their turnip”–or the confusion of: The sophomore also pinned a circular black button with “they/them” in silver letters onto their shirt...

As alternatives, I suggest streamlining: “Alia choked on the turnip.” Who else’s turnip would Alia have choked on? Or repeating the name–“Alia pinned it onto Alia’s shirt”–if only because slight repetition is less distracting than awkwardness and confusion.


Such a stand may upset my liberal friends. If so, I ask that they consider their own stands over the years regarding the English language we have heard from Republicans on the national scene.

The first George Bush was frequently derided for his “spaghetti syntax,” and his son was a frequent staple of late night comics for such gems as, “Is our children learning?” Dan Quayle’s misspelling of potato–on the blackboard of an elementary school of all places–became the moment most representative of his subliterate vice-presidency, and Sara Palin went on and on in a stream of gibberish.

In 1994, the televangelists Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker, whom Ronald Reagan offered as role models for us all, used the word “persecution” to fend off investigations of their rampant graft. Today, Republicans use it in press conferences to dismiss questions they’d rather not answer. Joan of Arc never had it so good.

Atop this silly cake, Trump’s gaslighting repetition of content-free words was–and still is–frosting both sugar-coated (tremendous, fantastic, the most beautiful, the biggest, the greatest in history, wonderful) and toxic (disgraceful, shameful, horrible, vicious, unAmerican, tough). All of which added to an endless stream of sentence fragments that never found completion.

For over 30 years, we liberals have been pointing to Republican misuse of language as an indicator of distorted policies and proposals, often as an attempt to hide what they really have in mind. How many times have we cited Orwell’s basic premise: Debased language reveals debased thought?

Can anyone who starts making singular names plural continue to do that? As my students liked to say back in the Nineties: Hello???

If this is how it’s to be (how they’s to be?), how loud will the laughter be from Republicans, especially when most, if not all, otherwise liberal English teachers will be laughing along with them?


As the second paragraph of the magazine’s story tells us:

Cusolito’s efforts at Old Rochester Regional are part of a growing movement nationwide. Transgender and nonbinary students are increasingly saying to teachers, peers, and schools: Call us what we want to be called.

Really? Alright then, if you accept that, please send any questions or comments on this blog to me, George Carlin, Jr., President, Pronouns R Us, East Wing, 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., State of Washington, Douglass Commonwealth, 20500.

Be sure to enclose a donation. And leave the amount blank. We’ll fill in the numbers we want.

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